I have had three really bad nightmares lately. One was tonight, the other two days ago and the third about a week or maybe two ago. Usually I can pull something out of my nightmares and use them in my writing but these were almost what I would call functional nightmares. They actually spoke of real fears I had or anxiety I was experiencing in my waking hours.

Tonight it was weird. I came home and was exhausted. T-scan had a company picinic in Golden Gardens. I wound up hiking out because I didn't think the bus stop would be that far. What a mistake that was. I had a few REAL moments of wondering if I was going to get out of the park before dark.I went up hill and then up THREE HUGE stair cases they built into the park. Eventually it led to the bus stop. Now this is not the nightmare. That is why I was so tired when I got home.

Nightmare 1

I come home after hanging out with an old friend, Lori Pate. I need a nap because I am exhausted. When I get up she is leaving in a huff. I run after her and she is throwing a fit about the nap because we were trying to reconcile our friendship. She was saying that I never have time for her and alot of other toxic crap. I eventually get her to slow down, give her a hug. Then she is in this Gundam-esque Halloween costume and we are surrounded by Japanese college students lounging on the grass. I pull her down with a hug and people start taking camera phone pictures and we start to talk.

IRL My husband was asked to wake me up in an hour. I couldn't get up. I was sorta in and out all night till 1230 when he came to bed. That is like... 3 and a half hours later. I am pretty sure I know what was wrong. I think that I thought Matt was going to be mad at me for sleeping so long because he couldn't wake me up. He wasn't mad. I was just exhausted. My ex always used to get so pissed when I couldn't wake up. I guess I still have lingering issues from that time.

Nightmare 2

My friend Phil comes over in the dream with two cakes. One is a huge wedding cake and the other a huge German chocolate cake. Matt and I are on a diet and he is joining us. In the dream he eats the wedding cake in three bites, anime style. Matt is like "Why did you bring that over here? We are all supposed to be on a diet." Phil says, "You said you wanted cakes." Matt says, "I said I wanted a cupcake, "A", meaning 1." I cross over to Phil and shake him screaming at him about not being able to control himself and how much I worry about him. About how I want him to be around for years to come. Then the dream calms down and we are with Mark. Mark is talking about his new apartment and how he didn't understand all the tour buses. His apartment turned out to be where one of the Manson Family murders too place and the buses were showing people locations. Then it shifted to this graphic depiction of how they killed people and cut off their heads. Then they laid the head next to the person's shoulder.


I know that's not what the Manson Family did IRL. This was clearly diet anxiety.


Nightmare 3

I was in a car with Matt and David. We were driving on a HUGE road. Matt was driving and talking to David about his game. They always do this, spend hours talking about the game. I was sitting in the back of the car. The car was an old 1950's style car. Then I was suddenly in the front seat. Matt is driving towards this four lane bridge that had corrigated, rusted metal on the sides. The bridge crossed this huge desert canyon. Before we get there we pass this empty 4 lane streach with a gate and a car is coming out. We mention that is where the welfare people come out of and to look out because they drive crazy. So we are approaching the bridge and Matt doesn't see that the lane we are in ends. He drives right off a cliff. I think outloud, "I am going to die in a car going off a cliff." Then try to climb over the front seat to the back because I am trying to figure out how to get out. Resigned, I am back in my seat and I feel the impact of the car on the ground and I wake up.

This was a combination of things. We had watched a documentary about the the Mothman and the collapse of the bridge at Point Pleasent. I also think it stemmed from other real life stuff too, like feeling left out. Also our band is moving REALLY fast. I think it's alot to do with that. Sometimes it feels insanely fast. We already have 400 plus fans on Facebook and people are asking for our CD. We are talking tours and setting up the business structure. You may think this is normal but it's not. We formed in JUNE. We have only been together four months. We already played our first show and have a list of songs written and more partially written. We are already recording. I was originally told this wouldn't happen for a year. It's good though. Although I am scared at how fast it's moving!

The Death Penalty doesn't make sense to me. People get it for alot of reasons but serial killers... not all of them get it. Serial child rapists... nope.

Troy Davis was put to death by leathal injection tonight. I had hoped he would make it through the legal system and be saved. There was substanial doubt that he had commited the crime he was convicted of in Georgia, killing a cop.

I know the act of killing a cop is horrible. If it is the crime, you do the time. Is it every our place to say it is time for someone to die? Is that our decision to make?

I can understand feelings of the need for certain people to die... like Hitler. I understand how people in Lybia feel about their ousted dictator as well.

My heart goes out to the family of Troy Davis and to Troy himself.

Death row is a TERRIFYING place. Just ask the West Memphis Three.

There is another case where the justice system failed. We need to take a long look at our justice system before we can say it is ever correct to put a person to death for a crime.

Tweet Life!

I have been twittering for my band Post Rapture Party. I can be a little hard sometimes to think of what to tell people. I am working it and slowly building our followers on Twitter. I know the more fans we have once our music is out, the more people will read the Twitter feed. So much pressure to be exciting and INTERESTING!! EEE!!

Anyway. TTYL!

Wow it's been a while. I am in a band now. They are called Post Rapture Party.

It's consuming my life in a good way. You could check it out.



http://www.postraptureparty.moonfruit.com/

We are gothy mixed with influences such as blues, 60s psychedlic rock, etherial.

I will try to post more often.

- Noccie

Please keep in your thoughts and keep in your prayers my friends son Liam. He fell off a balcony and is in the ICU with a fractured skull. Pray for Liam. Pray for his family. Pray for a quick, speedy recovery.

I had the most amazing dream last night.

I was young, 14 or 15 in the dream. It was Tibet. I was inside this cozy temple. A friendly looking Lama smiles at me and asks "Are you sure you are ready? This is a long commitment."

I return the smile sweetly. It feels as if I am in love. "I am ready. I have been ready my whole life." I laugh and the Lama laughs. I take his hand. It's soft and warm. I can smell the incense in the air around me. The room is lit with candles. There is a little bit of a nip in the air but the thick carpets and wall coverings in the room make it very cozy. I am lead into a littler room where the floor drops down and is fenced off by this old dark wood banister. I am told to sit there. I realize I am in brown and red and black robes. They take my hair out of the short pony tale and begin to cut it away. I feel as if I am getting lighter.

I remember thinking to myself, "So I will get to see what I look like with a shaved head." 

Then I go back to focusing on what's going on. They cut my hair short and there are a few flashes of me standing there bald but something interrupted the ceremony for a moment.

Then my alarm went off.

The whole feeling of the dreams was like when you fall in love with someone. Except I was in love with becoming a Buddhist Nun. I was in love with the Sutra's and the Buddha and everything in that life.

It was a whole other life and it was so peaceful and happy and light.

This little glance of life kept me rolling through the day. For part of the day I really felt that girl was looking out through my eyes at the clouds.

For the first time in my life have been invited to three Halloween parties. It's so awesome.
I honestly can't remember ever being invited to a Halloween party except my neighbors in Bozeman... which was odd because he was a weird guy.
EeE!! 

Just got home. The rain was nice but I didn't have an umbrella.

So my bus was of coarse late but I did have a bus hutch to stand under, once I got there.

So my hubby is gonna meet me up the hill with an umbrella...

The bus took like... two minutes to get up the hill.

So I started walking in the rain and met him about halfway. Thats ok..

I sit down and start to relax and George fucking pees on the bed. This took out all of our fucking blankets. ALL OF THEM! No time to do laundry tonight either. Shit head.

On the plus side only a small drop of pee made it through to the bed itself.

I had my Mom review my prices on Etsy. I was going off the old prices we used to use which were when the economy was a little stronger. She helped me re-tool. Moral is, hats are cheaper now.

Wooo! 

ClockWork and Re-Knit is open for the season. 



Here is a handmade Teddy Bear Hoodie hat, guaranteed to keep you warm this winter. It fastens around the neck with two wood buttons and has pompom "ears".

It is knitted from varigated blue wool, white banana silk and white wool. It will keep you warm with style.

It is adult size. The fit is relaxed, so no hat head!


The Nameste cap is a Tibetian inspired design. The long sides come down over the ears to keep you warm, while curling up to keep our of your eyes.

The body of the hat is knitted with soy wool. It's a soft durable blend of wool and soy. The edging includes a whimsical yarn called squiggle.

The loose fit of the hat is great, no hathead!

This is the Amelie wooly hat. I can picture Audrey Tatou in the film "Amelie" wearing this hat during a Parisian winter.

It is knitted with variegated soft wool/acrylic blend yarn in varigated gold, black and white with an orange highlight. It is finished off with two cute pompoms. It will keep you warm with style.

The yarn was a beautiful used sweater. All the yarn in the hat came from the same sweater, even the orange highlight yarn.

The circumference is 20", so the fit is nice and snug.